Thursday, May 24, 2007

C-section woes

My firstborn came as a huge suprise, and brought about a major shift in my lifestyle and thinking. Having her was the main way in which the Lord brought me back to himself. And, I am so thankful. Everytime I see her beautiful little face, I remember his goodness in restoring me. (well, maybe not everytime, but at least most of the time). Over the years, adding to our family has been such a joy.

I love the feeling of those first little kicks in the womb.
I love beholding my new child for the first time.
I love watching as older siblings immediately love their new little one.
I love having a baby to hold and rock.
I just love this stage.

And so, this fourth baby is difficult for me, because it means the end of a season. This will be my fourth c-section, and with my massive amounts of scar tissue, even this one will be a high risk surgery. My husband and I feel sure that this ought to be the last one, for the sake of my health - I just can't do this again.

And so, I cherish these last few months as I feel my little unborn one move and kick. I look forward to meeting her and holding her, rocking her and nursing her. And, with teary eyes, I anticipate this next season knowing that God is good, and He will continue to be so.


  1. Perhaps this article will provide you some sense of comfort, joy and hope in knowing that EVERYTHING is in God's hands ~

  2. I actually read that article a couple of months ago. And, I've struggled a lot over the ideas/concepts of rationality versus faith. To what extent does one impose upon the other? The woman who had 13 c-sections had no adhesions. I have far more than average. My scar tissue is abnormally thick. My doctor could not even re-enter the same incision with my third child. Everytime they go in, my uterus is affixed to another organ. First it was my bladder, and last time it was my abdominal wall. I have no idea what it's stuck to this time. Most women in my situation have no more than two babies.

    The creator has given me a mind with which to think, examine and come to a conclusion. Had I lived 100 years ago, I may not have any children. I may not even be alive.
    I believe that it's a blessing to live in a time where a woman whose labor doesn't progress can still have four children.

    For the record, my doctor has placed no pressure on me about sterilization. She has allowed me the freedom to research and come to my own conclusions. For that I am thankful.

  3. Kendra,
    I am in tears over this post. Not because I think that you are making the wrong decision, but because I know the heartbreak of it for you. I know it because I have been through it. I never had a c-section. My story is different.

    I've always had very severe periods. Clots the size of baseballs. No exageration. I would bleed for 10-14 days a month from the time I was 10. I had no trouble conceiving, but miscarried my first child. The heavy periods continued.

    I bled through each of my four "healthy" pregnancies. I didn't stop bleeding for about four months after each birth, even though I breastfed exclusively. I was drained. Tired all of the time. Anemic. Weak. After having my fourth child, I was bleeding an average of 22 days a month. This went on for 4 years.

    Finally, a doctor suggested that I MUST not continue on this path. We prayed about it. I decided to follow his advice. I had an endometrial ablation four years ago. This is where they insert a balloon into the vagina and it fills the uterus. They circulate near boiling water for 8 minutes. This burns the lining of the uterus. All of my organs are intact, but I only bleed about 2 days a month now.

    What this all means is that I still COULD get pregnant, but the baby would not properly implant into my womb. My husband had a vasectomy because he didn't want me to go through any more than I already had.

    I feel great. I can enjoy my children, and they can enjoy me. No more sick mama. Life was really hell. I NEVER felt good. BUT, I still, even with four children, long for another.

    I do not feel that what I did was wrong. I don't feel guilty. I think that my health IS important to our family. I'm the wife and mother that God intended for our family. Some may disagree about this, but that's okay.

    I think that it is good that you KNOW that this will be your last pregnancy. It enables you to cherish every minute.

    I pray that the Lord will give you a peace that only HE can provide. May the Lord bless you in what ever decision you have to make.


  4. Tracy, thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your story. This is one of those times when it is so comforting to know that God is sovereign in all things.

  5. aww Kendra. I just weaned my little one from nursing and I felt that mourning also, not certain if this will be my last little baby to nurse. It is bittersweet. Enjoy these last few months of pregnancy my friend. Can't wait to see you!

  6. Kendra
    It is wonderful you are cherishing these last moments.Thankfully, all is going well for you now.

  7. Sounds like you had a hard decision to make, but it also sounds like you've made the right one. Blessings on you as you enjoy this last pregnancy, and look forward to meeting your little one!

  8. Kendra, I'm praying for you - you are so very blessed, but I understand that it is bittersweet.
    Christine at Fruit in Season is coming to the same conclusion... stopping after her fourth for the very same reason.

    Savor, savor, savor! (((Kendra)))